THIS FLAB IS ON FIIIIIIRRRRREEEE!

Just imagine singing that in the style of Alicia Keys and you’re there. My GOD, guys! I feel great! This is the first time in forever where I actually feel good. I was extremely down in the dumps when I found out that I weighed 20 stone and 7 pounds but I’m happy to report that, as it stands, I am now typing to you weighing a mean 19 stone and 5 pounds.

Yeah, that’s right, bitches! I’m one stone and two pounds lighter than I was a month ago. Let us all rejoice in dancing, drinking (strictly water) and feasting (turkey, vegetables and soup).

I’ve also made an instagram account as well and it’s received quite a good response considering I only created it 5 days ago so thank you to all of those who are following me and for all of those who are on Instagram and haven’t followed me, you’re more than welcome to: @TheFlabAndFurious.

Thank you all so much for the kind messages, likes and words of support, they all mean a lot to me.

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Boxing Clever

I’ve really been working out and going to gym classes after work. Usually, after work, I’m always feeling tired and sluggish but for the past couple of weeks, I’ve been absolutely committed to get this weight shifted and to actually move my fat arse! Obviously, I have been eating correctly and have stuck to the calorie limit that I have set myself but I have also been walking more, running, doing gym classes and also boxing.

Yes, you read that correctly. I am boxing.

Not professionally, obviously. I’m not going to be the next Rocky Marciano anytime soon. However, I have been doing some pad work and I’ve really been enjoying it immensely. All the stresses, upset and any kind of negative emotion I’ve had melts away when I land a jab or a right hook on a pad. Afterwards, I feel a lot better.

A couple of people have commented on my right hook saying that it’s a solid punch and that they wouldn’t want to be on the end of it so…y’know…don’t get on the wrong side of me! Smile with tongue out

Boxing is known to be one of the best exercises to do whether you’re actually training to be in the ring or whether, like me, you’re just doing it for fun. It burns a lot of calories and, for me anyway, helps relieve any stresses I’ve had during the week.

I’m going to continue going to these classes and, fingers crossed, I’d have lost some weight, improve my speed and my fitness as well. I would absolutely recommend anybody to try out boxing. It’s amazing!

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“New Year, New Me!” and all that shite

We are currently 12 days into 2016 and honestly, how many of you have made New Year’s resolutions that start with the four immortal words that I can not stand now? New. Year. New. Me.

You can use the New Year as a way of making a new start but it’s not a new you. Many people seem to think that it’s you that needs to change but is it you that really needs to change? Personally, I think not.

Many people tend to say this as a point of determination and having that type of willpower and that way of thinking is fantastic and I would not put anybody with that confidence down. However, the problem with this way of thinking is if you stumble a little. When you do stumble, you become disheartened because you think that the “new year, new me” scheme is too difficult. You chuck the idea out of the window or put it away in a box with a thousand locks, chains and passwords and revert back to eating custard doughnuts whilst watching The Biggest Loser, shouting “IT COULD HAVE BEEN ME!” to the television…yeah…I’ve never done that either!

My point is, never say “New year, new me” because that way of thinking will get you nowhere, believe me. It’s not a diet but a lifestyle change. You can start your journey whenever you want and if you do make any mistakes or you fall off the wagon and eat a sugary snack, it’s not the end of the world. After all, we are human. All you do is pick yourself up and start again instantly. Never wait for the next year. Be realistic with yourself.

Now, onto admitting to why I didn’t write through December. As you have all probably read from my short posts, I’ve not been having a great time in my life. In fact, I could definitely say that 2015 is hands-down the worst year of my life. I had lost one of the most important, kindest and influential people in my family and it felt like a stab to the heart. However, I’m starting to cope a little now and with every day that passes, I’m becoming a stronger person and all I want to do right now is make my family proud as well as the people who support me.

Back in December, I did start to diet on and off and I steadily started getting myself back into a routine of working out, eating right and researching to ensure that I do this properly this time. Personally, as I write this, I feel more determined than ever to get this done. I am a yo-yo- I put on weight and I lose it.

So whilst I said I don’t believe in starting bang-on at New Year’s Day, it is good to be realistic and the realistic thing is that you will hit obstacles. Sometimes they’re too high to jump, too far to leap or too solid to bust that door down but that does not give you a free pass to quit and give up. You pick yourself up, become stronger and realise that you have all of the focus, strength and determination in the world to conquer that bastard and you get it done!

So with that in my mind, I have written three things to keep to:

  • Keep the determination– Nothing is worse than giving up on everything and everyone so with everything bad that happens, I’m going to think of a positive because the Lord knows that nothing was worse than last year. Lose friends? They were fakes and snakes that didn’t deserve an ounce of your attention anyway. Stressed out? Find something you enjoy and take a moment out of your day, night or any time you are free just to have you-time. Gained weight? Don’t worry, you have it and you will lose it whether it be tomorrow, next week or next month.
  • Keep active– I love exercise. I love boxing, weightlifting, running, rowing and just keeping fit in general. I might be fat and I might weigh just shy of twenty stone but I can run faster than Road Runner when I’m in determination mode.
  • Keep writing– Writing on this blog really helped me more than I ever imagined. It was just knowing that someone out there might feel the same things I did that made it feel good. I genuinely do not care if this blog had thousands of readers or just one, just as long as someone felt like they’re never alone and that someone is going through the same thing, I was happy with that but it was also helping me because it kept me with a clear head and vision.

In December, I was twenty stone and seven pounds and now I am 19st and 8lbs so I have managed to lose a stone within a month. Obviously this is fantastic and I need to keep it up and I will be able to with the determination and the strength within myself as well as my family and my close friends. My motivation is the pictures below. I used to fit in that shirt and now I don’t.

20151112_09112420151112_09113520151112_09115320151112_091214

 

By this December, I will fit into that shirt again!

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My Friends Were There to Get Wed…I Was There for the Cake…

THIS POST WAS WRITTEN ON THE NIGHT OF THE WEDDING BUT DUE TO SEVERAL REASONS, TECHNICAL AND PERSONAL, THE POST WAS NEVER UPLOADED UNTIL NOW!


20150807_220758

Okay, tell a slight lie, I was there to see my best friend of over twenty years get hitched…but cake was involved and I love me some cake. So I get to the church and I sit down looking FAF (fit as fook) in my awesome grey silver suit and my sick new haircut. Seriously, people, I was hot shit and was definitely the fattest sexiest there. Anyway, we’re waiting for the bride to make her way down the aisle. Typical of my best friend, she is 15 minutes late. People wonder where she’s got to, jokingly wondered whether she did a runner or whether she even forgot the date and thought it was the next day but I just roll my eyes and start laughing. I genuinely thought she was putting the finishing touches to her signature green/purple eye make-up or whether she was having a woman moment and just having a moan but I hear the music start up and instantly, I smile. It’s not just because my best friend is happy and she’s getting married but it’s because I’m hearing Tale as Old as Time from Beauty and the Beast (fun fact: Anything Disney puts a smile on my face…except for Alice in Wonderland or Oliver & Company…ain’t nobody got time for that!)

So she’s down the aisle and words were exchanged, vows were said, the Bible was read and no exorcism was needed for me. Anyway, it was all very sweet and romantic and I’m not normally a wedding kind of guy but that shit did have me smiling- that may have possibly been because 1. my suit was on fleek, 2. Disney and 3. I knew cake was just around the corner. On a serious note, I love romance though. Evidently, I love the wedding buffet and cake even more. Come on, lads, let’s admit it, it’s why we all love a good wedding.

So after the mushiness is said and done, they try to exit to Cinderella’s grand finale but the CD jammed. Oh shit, are we going to be here until they fix the stereo? Won’t I ever get to the buffet on time? Did you see what I did there? SO MANY QUESTIONS! However, the church got their act together, fixed their stereo and we could leave.

We go outside and get our photos taken. Obviously I could have been in every one of them but the day wasn’t about me…for once. After several friends and family photos taken, she calls me over and asks for one of just me and her, which got me in the feels a little, dudes. So her and I had a photo taken and we had one with Scott too. I actually had to kneel down because she’s a short-arse and I’m a lanky bastard (shame I wasn’t thin as well but we can’t have everything in life).

So I got to ride in a Hummer Limo! A LIMO! WOO! I had glasses of champagne with Omi’s Cheerleader blasting, watching all the basic bitches drive their basic cars. I felt amazing. I felt the power surging through my head…or that could have possibly been the champagne. Look at what limousines do to your mind! They change them instantly and you’re suddenly snobby!

Anyway, we get to the hall where the reception is being held and it’s all done and kitted out beautifully. So after the beautiful, touching speeches where the groom welled up a little, the lunch came. It was roast chicken with all the vegetables, roast potatoes and Yorkshire puddings. Out of the whole of the wedding, it was that meal that made me want to cry. It was just beautifully cooked. Nah, I kid…I just got a little emotional…I sat on the table with Jade’s family, who I’ve known and have been close to for years and watched as they all made speeches and we laugh and cried.

Now the big question on everyone’s mind; Did I have some cake? Well, the only way to end a day so great would be cake. Surely there was some cake…WHERE WAS THE CAKE?! GIVE ME THE CAKE!

…of course I bloody had cake. It’s a wedding! I had a scone and a couple of cupcakes. No biggie. I pretty much danced it off anyway showing bitches not to touch my Cha Cha Slide or even approach me and disrespect my Macarena. They watched me whip and watched me nae nae and I worked up an appetite and helped myself to the buffet. I guess the point to this post is that you can have a day off and still be doing active things to burn calories.

But on another note, I’d just like to wish Jade and Scott all of the happiness the future may bring them and I wish them a long, healthy and happy life together. See, guys, romance isn’t dead. You just need to find it or maybe it could even find you.

And for all of you out there that deny true love exists, here’s a picture that is proof it does:

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Videogames aren’t Evil: Dance Dance Revolution

Gather round, ladies and gentlemen, for I am about to tell you a reason why video games aren’t evil and can actually aid you in losing weight. Mothers are screaming at these words: “THERE’S ENDLESS GUNS, SEX, VIOLENCE AND DRUGS! WON’T SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN!”. I am a prime example as to how videogames can help you. Sit down, calm your tits and read on!

I remember the very first time I played Dance Dance Revolution (or Dancing Stage, if you’re from the UK like me) and it was admittedly one of my most embarrassing moments. At 10 or 11, I was quite a husky lad. I was way bigger than the other kids and probably the same size as a 16 year old (but it was obvious I was young). I was in Butlins Minehead and, at the time, Butlins went ape-shit for anything on Fox Kids so Power Rangers, Digimon and Donkey Kong were the dog’s bollocks. However, what all 90s kids will also remember is that Butlins had a few arcade machines dashed around here, there and everywhere. There was this place they used to call the Skyline and at the very entrance of it was this machine pictured like the one above. Nobody was around and I had holiday money so I tried it out. I put a quid in the machine, chose a song (Captain Jack) and accidentally put it on the hardest mode because the ‘right’ button was jammed. My actual thought process was:

“I’m usually good at Stomp the Flies* and this is the same but with music…this’ll be easy…”

Famous last words. The game went beserk, I was trying to keep up looking like a demented, possessed person trying to keep up and I basically got a game over in a matter of seconds. It was then, failing to complete even 10 seconds of the song, where I fell in love. I tried it again but on an easier mode. I passed with flying colours. I remember spending £15 on the machine that day and I stayed on there for a while. I never wanted to leave it. Everyday, I would go back and play it again and again. On my last day, a Redcoat (a Butlins’ representative to those outside the UK) was on the machine challenging other kids to beat him. In case you’re wondering, he never let anyone win. Adults tried and failed to beat him, kids tried and failed too. He challenged anyone:

“Does anyone want to try and beat me? I’ll even pay…”

I genuinely wasn’t interested right up until I heard he’d pay for the machine. It was in that moment, being the fierce, fluffy, independent, bad-ass beast that I am, I raised my hand, pushed basic bitches out of the way and went on the machine. He looked at me, judging me because of my size. He had this look of pity, which I hated. I hated people pitying me because I was fat for my age. He let me choose the first song.
”Go ahead, you choose the first song”, he says with a smile. He was nice, I just didn’t like people taking pity.
I whooped him on the first song (End of the Century on Medium) and he didn’t like it but he smiled and chose the second one: Captain Jack on medium. Whooped him again. I let him choose the third one and he chose Afronova on medium. At this point, I struggled with this particular song but he won me. However, 2-1 to me so I won overall. He actually complemented me and said I was the best he played and he was surprised when I told him I never played it before. He said I was very good and I should continue playing it.

I did exactly that. For 11 more years. I bought every single Dancing Stage and Dance Dance Revolution game right up until the series turned shit and become too easy to play (it was released on the Nintendo Wii and it was too easy). I joined forums to do with the game, I played against people all around the world, smashed high scores from the best of the best, started playing doubles (one player using both dance mats- can be hard and complex) and during this time, along with swimming 20 lengths twice a week, lost so much weight and had fun.

So the moral of this post is that you should never let your size stop you from achieving anything. I’m owning half of these bitches doing my running and rowing and I haven’t done it in months and I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been. Own your shit and be fierce. And the moral to all parents and people in general who think that computer games are terrible, they’re really not. Not to be melodramatic because I’m serious here: DDR saved me in a lot of ways. I lost weight, become good at something that was physically demanding, gave me fantastic rhythm and it’s just so much fun and I met some cool people along the way.

If you want fun losing weight, pick up a cheap PS2, get the games and dance mat and play it. You’ll shed so many pounds.

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Week One of #OperationFatShit:

…and it’s actually going really well. SHOCK HORROR! Right now, I’m 100% Army FAT…you’ll get the joke as the entry goes on.

Yes, I weighed myself thinking there wasn’t going to be a massive difference in my weight but I was proven wrong when I stood my fat ass on the scales.

I’m now…

 

19st 6lb

 

This is great news! I’ve lost 4lb so far. I’ve been doing it for a week now and I’ve managed to get my weight down by four pounds, which is an amazing start. I’ve installed a few apps on my phone which I’m using to record what I’m eating and drinking and also for exercise purposes.

Right now, I’m using 100% Army Fit, an app which you can download on Android or Apple phones/devices and it’s an official app from the Army. I know what you’re thinking but I don’t plan on joining the Army. I was just browsing the Google Play store thinking “What can shift the fat off of my ass faster than a Kardashian taking a selfie?” and then I saw the app. Obviously, all people involved in the Army have to be fit so I thought it’d be a good idea to download. Besides, I thought it could be fun to see my fitness level- I was pretty curious to see how it was.

It turns out my fitness level is actually fantastic all things considering. It’s been a week and, take in mind that I’ve been brutally honest and I’ve been keeping form (which several people in the gym can vouch for), I’m on Level 3. To be 100% Army Fit, you need to complete Level 6 and then you have two more levels after that: Level 7 and Elite (Level 8). Levels 1 and 2 were easy peasy lemon pleeeedge but I’ve been struggling on Level 3. The cardio parts have been pretty easy (surprisingly) but the hardest part for me have been push-ups. I’ve done all of the strength/core exercises but I’ve struggled doing press-ups.

I’ll get there…It takes a lot of time and effort to improve on perfection.

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OMG, OBVI A FATTY NOW!

Can you hear the footsteps banging on the floor, causing chaos, destruction and earthquakes? Can you feel them getting closer? Is your heart racing? Are you holding cookies? Drop them! Trust me, drop them!

…okay…I’ll back off this time. If you ever bring cookies within a 5 mile radius of me again and I’ll eat them and then you!

I’m just joking, obviously. I’ll just forget the cookies! AAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Kidding again…now that we have you lolling and rofling, we can finally move on to the point of this post.

I have something to share with you: I am fat. I’m not even fat anymore, I’m just very morbidly fat. I hated the term ‘morbidly obese’ because what if people wasn’t morbid about being fat. Maybe they liked who they were. However, that would be the correct terminology to use on me right now as I am fat, unhappy and I have fell victim to the famous vicious cycle that I have spoken to you about in the past.

Get ready to be horrified of my new weight. I am:

19st 10lb / 125.2kg / 276lb

 

The worst part about it is that I’m okay with it because I expected it and I think if you expect it, it’s not as bad. Not to make any excuses but I’ve had a lot of personal issues happening in my life (which you may have guessed with me not being on here for months). However, the scales completely woke me up. I need to stop eating junk and start finding new ways to exercise. I may not have time to exercise like I used to but I do have things around me I can use to create some regimes and stuff. When in doubt, improvise.

Sorry for being so absent but I will try and make a lot more effort! Promise!

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Falling Down the Rabbit Hole

These past few months have been absolutely nothing but hectic for me with family commitments as well as work with little time to myself and my fitness (including keeping you lot updated!). Slowly but surely, I feel like Alice…or Alex in my case, falling down the rabbit hole and into the strange and unreal world of Wonderland where everything is upside down crazy.

Of course, this post isn’t just me moaning, groaning or bitching but it’s rather about telling harsh truths and being honest and I have always been honest with you. I have probably lost quite a few readers due to me not updating this as much as I would love to and I sincerely apologise for it. However, today has been a major wake-up call for me to take action, get my life back on track and do something before it’s too late.

Today, I weighed myself…okay, I hear everybody telling me to measure my body but hear me out…I weighed myself today because I knew I had put on inches around my stomach and my chest and possibly my waist so I deemed it pointless to measure until I kick-start myself again. What I read on the scales horrified me:

18st 7lb

Wait, what? No! This can’t be right. I laugh to myself and I try again.

18st 7lb

Maybe the scales are totally wrong. I expected a few pound but not over half a stone!

18st 7lb

Well, shit a brick! I’ve put too much weight on! I felt upset, I felt ashamed of myself and I was angry at myself. See, I have another confession to make…I’ve been stress-eating to the extent that it’s slightly got out of hand. Over the last few months, I’ve eaten chocolate, fish and chips, cakes, biscuits and quite honestly, I’ve not cared. The reason is because I needed something that made me happy and it’s just like I’ve always told you lot: Once you get into that vicious cycle of stress-eating to feel happy, you also feel the guilty side too so you eat to feel happy and then you feel bad…it goes on, much like superhero films.

Anyway, I don’t condone it and I definitely don’t have any excuses for what I’ve done but in all honesty, I have had a legitimate reason. Something very bad has happened and I’ve dealt with it in a bad way in the sense that I’ve put my health and fitness at risk. I’ve stopped exercising and I’ve eaten crap and pretty much undone all of my hard work to the point that I am now typing to you, weighing the heaviest I have weighed in a very long time.

But this is what I needed. I needed to weigh myself today to finally see what I am doing to myself. This has been one major wake-up call that I need to stop wallowing, getting upset and I need to start focusing again! I need to do it no matter what!

Life is a cruel, harsh thing but it can also be great. I guess it all depends on how you look at it. Sometimes you need to be knocked down to see how you can get back up. Right now, I have been winded and kicked in the bollocks for many reasons but the question I faced today is do I stay down struggling to breathe with sore balls or do I stand back up, dust myself off and fight the mugs who tried to beat me down?

It’s time for Alex to crawl out of the Rabbit Hole. Wonderland looks like a bag of stinking shit!

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I Have This Feeling…

And it’s not a nice one at that. I’ve not been well unfortunately. I’ve had a very bad stomach all week. I’ve wanted to carry on doing the Insanity but I’ve had to stop. I’ll come clean, I haven’t done it for two weeks now. It’s horrible. I’ve lost quite a bit of weight through this illness. I would say that’s a good thing but I know it’s just water.

I’ll be fine, guys. I’ll be back up, prancing, exercising and shit before you know it.

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Insanity- MAX 30: Day 2 to 5- Unleashing Pure Hell

Guys, you really weren’t kidding when you said this was harder!

Seriously, I raise my hands up in the air and praise the Lord for modifier tracks! I mean, it has really given me such a rush and a burn on my legs that when I walk, I feel like I’m about to collapse…but in a good way…typing this, I’m trying to think how that could ever be in a good way but I can assure you that I know it’s kicking fat and it’s kicking ass.

My eating is going pretty well too, although on Day 3, I had work stresses and was tempted by either chocolate or cake but I stayed strong. I just remembered: WWDD. What Would Dumbledore Do? (PRAISE HIM!)

At the moment, I’m doing well on Insanity and 30 minutes out of my day really isn’t a big deal for me so it motivates me to enjoy it and get it over and done with to burn some calories. I know this may sound weird to you but I’m already noticing a change in my fitness already.

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